Hi Reader

When the thing that used to excite you leaves you flat

Meeting this week with a couple I'll call Robert and Helen.

Robert's 61, runs his own consulting business, been doing it for 40 years, successful, makes good money, knows what he's doing.

And he said something that stopped me: "I've been a deal junkie all my life. Completing deals and projects and getting paid for them has been my dopamine hit. And from the end of last year, we were getting paid multiple tens of thousands of pounds for closing deals, and it left me utterly flat. So I knew I was done."

The money was still there, bigger deals than ever actually, but the feeling had gone, the thing that used to light him up didn't work anymore, and that's when he knew it was time to stop.

The dopamine hit that stops working

For decades, Robert got his buzz from closing deals, that moment when it all comes together, when you've done the work and you get the result and you get paid, that feeling of achievement and completion and being good at what you do.

That was his thing, his dopamine hit, the reason he did the work beyond just the money, the psychological reward that made it all worthwhile.

Then somewhere around the end of last year, it stopped working, he'd close a deal, significant money, everything he used to get excited about, and he felt... nothing, just flat, empty, like eating your favourite meal and tasting nothing.

And that's when he knew, not because the work got harder or the money got worse or something changed externally, but because the internal reward system had switched off, the thing that used to give him meaning didn't anymore.

This is such a clear signal that people miss or ignore, because from the outside everything looks fine, you're still successful, still making money, still doing the work competently, but internally something fundamental has shifted and you're running on empty.

Why this happens

I see this pattern constantly with high achievers who've built their identity around being good at something, the work itself becomes intertwined with who they are, and the dopamine hit from achievement is what keeps them going year after year.

But dopamine systems adapt, what used to give you a buzz becomes normal, you need more to get the same feeling, or the thing that worked for 40 years just stops working entirely because you've extracted all the meaning from it.

Robert wasn't bored exactly, he was still doing interesting complex deals, he wasn't burnt out in the traditional sense, he was still capable of doing the work, but the psychological reward had gone, the thing that made it worth doing beyond the money had evaporated.

And when that happens, when you're doing the work purely for the money without the internal satisfaction, you're already done, you're just going through the motions waiting for permission to stop.

The interesting bit is that Robert recognised it immediately, he didn't try to push through it or convince himself it would come back, he just went "right, I'm done, the thing that used to work doesn't work anymore, time to stop."

But lots of people don't recognise it or they ignore it, they keep going for years after the dopamine has stopped because they don't know what else to do, or they're scared to stop, or they think maybe it'll come back if they just wait.

The signal you're ignoring

And this is the bit I want you to think about, especially if you're still working and vaguely thinking about retirement at some point but not yet, what's your dopamine hit from work?

Is it closing deals like Robert, is it solving problems, is it managing people, is it creating things, is it the recognition, what's the thing that gives you the internal satisfaction beyond just the paycheque?

And here's the million dollar question, is it still working?

Are you still getting that buzz when you do the thing, or has it gone flat, are you going through the motions, doing the work competently but feeling increasingly empty about it?

Because if the dopamine has stopped and you're still showing up purely for the money, you're already done, you're just not admitting it yet, and every year you continue is a year you're spending doing something that used to give you meaning but doesn't anymore.

Robert closed deals worth tens of thousands of pounds and felt nothing, that's such a clear signal, but lots of people have much subtler versions of this and they ignore it.

The project that used to excite you now feels like a chore, the meeting that used to energise you now drains you, the achievement that used to give you satisfaction now just feels like checking a box, all signals that the internal reward system has switched off.

What this means

When Robert said he knew he was done, it wasn't because he'd hit some financial milestone or reached a particular age or anything external, it was purely internal, the thing that made work worthwhile had stopped working.

And that's actually a really reliable signal for when it's time to stop, more reliable than hitting a certain pension pot size or reaching state pension age or any of the external markers people use.

Because you can have all the money in the world and still not feel ready to stop if the work is still giving you psychological satisfaction, and you can be financially comfortable enough and still be utterly miserable if you're doing work that's stopped giving you meaning.

Robert's planning to drop to one day a week later this year, his son is taking over the business, he's transitioning out, not because he has to financially but because he's recognised the signal and he's responding to it.

And that's the smart move, recognising when you're done and actually doing something about it, not ignoring it and grinding on for another five years wondering why you feel so flat about everything.

The question

What's your dopamine hit from work, the thing that gives you satisfaction beyond just the money?

And more importantly, is it still working?

Are you still getting that buzz when you achieve something, or has it gone flat, are you showing up out of habit or fear or because you don't know what else to do rather than because the work is still giving you meaning?

Because if the dopamine has stopped, if the thing that used to light you up now leaves you flat, that's probably the clearest signal you'll get that it's time to start thinking seriously about stopping.

Not next year when the finances are better, not when you hit some arbitrary milestone, but now, because every year you continue doing work that's stopped giving you satisfaction is a year you're not doing something that might actually give you meaning.

Robert closed a big deal, felt nothing, and knew he was done, what's your version of that moment, and are you paying attention to it or ignoring it?

P.S. - If you've had this moment, when the thing that used to excite you left you flat and you knew you were done, hit reply and tell me about it, I'm curious what people's dopamine hits are and how they recognise when they've stopped working.